Vulnerability at Work
The stoic “suited man” represents the legacy of armored behavior and attitude that has carried into today’s workplace. It is meant to also cover women and the silicon valley hoodie wielding leaders.
I used DALL-E (Open AI’s text-to-image generation) to generate the above image. The image highlights an outwardly confident leader with a child representing vulnerability through a closet door. It is the representation of a dilemma facing us in the workplace. For many of us, especially in leadership roles, we show up as the “suited man,” confident, competent, and omniscient. The image also highlights the broader concept of authenticity. How much of ourselves should we bring to work? And as a leader, why does it matter? In this letter I attempt to provide additional details and as in the past I list the references which inform my thinking so you can explore further.
In this letter I provide insights into the following topics:
What is Vulnerability? Is it Authenticity? Why are they important?
Related concepts: Fake it Till you make it; The Imposter Syndrome
How to be Vulnerable at work?
What is Vulnerability? Is it Authenticity? Why are they important?
Vulnerability is one expression of authenticity where a leader or an individual team member admits a true weakness, or failing. Authenticity is a broader form of self-expression at work. Broadly: Elon Musk is authentic; Satya Nadella demonstrates vulnerability in the workplace (more on this later). Vulnerability and authenticity both fit under the umbrella of trust which is an established driver of employee engagement and comes into play at many levels. For instance, trust in the company’s mission, value, brand, offerings, leadership, and co-workers drives employee engagement. For a leader, being authentic makes it easier to be consistent in how their team sees them. It also makes them relatable to the team, depending on the depth of their authenticity. Similarly an individual team member is more engaged if they are able to be more authentic within their organization or believe they can influence their organization to align with their viewpoints and values. For Elon Musk, as the richest person in the world, he can get away with, or even become relatable, by smoking pot on a podcast, tearing up at his company’s challenges, or expressing remorse on losing a fortune on X (formerly Twitter). However, both for leaders and individuals, guardrails advise the degree and manner of being authentic or vulnerable.
Now let’s pivot to an expression of vulnerability which can be an ask for help or support, admitting problems or mistakes, or expressing self-doubt.
In October 2014, 8 months into his tenure as CEO of Microsoft, Satya Nadella, was being interviewed on-stage at the annual Grace Hopper conference, when he was asked about his advice to women who are uncomfortable asking for a raise. His response: “Women should trust the system and not asking for a raise could be good karma.” His interviewer, Maria Klawe, President of Harvey Mudd College, who was interviewing him was taken aback and disagreed, twitter lit up. Satya, a new CEO, had just demonstrated in a public forum his ignorance on the gender gap. Satya understood his mistake and didn't deflect or offer excuses but instead owned up to his error in judgment. He immediately took to Twitter to express that he made a mistake. In a follow-up email and his actions he re-acknowledged his mistake and followed up with his support to close the gender pay gap. In doing so he reflected a growth-oriented mindset i.e. although he wasn’t right and was ignorant in his response he would go on to learn and make broader amends in the workforce. In doing all of these, Satya Nadella demonstrated vulnerability. He has gone on to mature as an empathic leader who listens to his teams and makes well-considered decisions. Under his leadership, Microsoft has benefitted with advancements in its cloud and AI businesses.
However, vulnerability for a leader or an individual at work is a complex choice: Done right, it builds organizational trust, creates support structures, improves outcomes, and promotes growth; Done wrong, it can damage confidence, reputation, and sustain a failure. Therefore it remains elusive, specifically with leaders choosing the status quo i.e. the figurative “tough man in the suit.”
Related Concepts: “Fake it, till you make it” ;The Imposter Syndrome
We have likely all found ourselves in a situation where we needed to grow into a role. Here is an example from my own career: In 2017, I was hired by Amazon to lead their Fulfillment By Amazon (FBA) Inventory team. While I understood e-commerce and had leadership experience, I was new to supply chain and inventory. My management was aware of the gaps, but felt comfortable taking a chance on me. They had assessed my overall strengths and had confidence that I would be successful. For me, it was a rewarding but uncomfortable situation. I frequently felt unsure in a leadership role where I had gaps in organizational context (there were big disagreements between teams on how to solve critical problems) and lacked a deep knowledge of supply chain.
Instead of dwelling on my gaps, I made the choice to lead with my strengths and found opportunities to learn while doing the job as best as I could. This is the essence of when people say “fake it, till you make it.” In other words, I was faking it, till I closed the gaps and could fully lead with the context of the organization, the business, and the skills needed to fully perform my job. I went on to have a successful career at Amazon and eventually be acknowledged as a company leader in the space.
“Fake it till you make it” is a necessary ingredient if we are on a growth journey and have a support system that allows us to grow into the role. It might feel inauthentic and uncomfortable but is part of the growth process.
A related and complex topic is the Imposter Syndrome—or “imposter phenomenon,” as it was originally coined—is a form of self-doubt in which high-achieving individuals are unable to accept their success and credit luck instead of skill for their accomplishments. About 70% of people will experience the imposter syndrome at some point in their careers.
The purpose of including the topic here is that if you feel like an imposter in your success, exercise judgment in being vulnerable on the many self-doubts, real or otherwise. Perspective from your mentors and support system will allow you to determine how much of that you should share with your team. Also be clear on the “why” you decide to share. A good check is determining if your story will serve others and will help them improve yet not negatively impact you.
There are amazing resources on the web on overcoming the Imposter Syndrome. I am providing two short but informative reads below. They provide two different perspectives, with the first being the more historical perspective, and the second informing of more recent research.
Resources:
Why everyone feels like they are faking it: Author: Leslie Jamison, The New Yorker
Stop telling women they have the imposter syndrome: Author: Ruchika Tulshyan and Jodi-Ann Burey, Harvard Business Review
How to be vulnerable at work?
Let’s return to our example of Satya Nadella and his gaffe in a public forum. He could have chosen to dig-in, or made a half-hearted non-apology (Satya much later credited his original remark to his cultural upbringing and his own belief in Karma). Instead he stepped up to his mistake and changed course for himself and Microsoft.
As a leader or as an individual, you will find yourself in positions where you will make mistakes, need help, or find yourself short of what a work situation might need. Being authentic and vulnerable in these situations will help you to move into a growth opportunity as opposed to digging in. Contrary to the belief of demonstrating being weak, being vulnerable requires courage.
However, there are guardrails. To highlight, the nuance in when it works, here are two examples from Jacob Morgan’s book, Leading with Vulnerability:
Example 1: On August 20, 1991, Hollis Harris, CEO of Continental Airlines (45K employees), told his employees that Continental was in trouble and in a battle of survival and he asked them to pray for the company. Hollis was fired.
Example 2: Fleetwood Grobler (28K employees), CEO of Sasol Limited, a South African company was working to move the company out of trouble when the pandemic struck. The pandemic exacerbated the challenge and with $10B in debt, the banks were ready to move in. Grobler let his employees know that he did not have ready answers to the problems but knew that his team was great and together they would work to rebuild and regain trust with customers. His message was well-received.
The contrast in the examples draws out how Hollis, while vulnerable, absolved himself of leadership. For a leader, when in a challenging situation, it is important to not just acknowledge the problems but to also lead since that is the ask of the situation. More broadly, opening up requires that you still position yourself as up for the job.
Adam Grant, who regularly consults on organizational psychology, and Brené Brown, the author of Daring Greatly, provide great insights on the topic. I am summarizing a few below:
Key Insight 1: Demonstrating vulnerability still requires that your audience sees you as competent for the job. A few years back, as a practicing standup comic, I would find myself highly anxious as I walked on to the stage. This is common for standup comics. However, instead of proclaiming our anxiety and doubt about our being funny, we would deflect with a self-effacing joke about something else about us. The audience was expecting us to do our job - they bought the ticket and we owed them our effort.
Key Insight 2: While sharing with your team will help you earn trust and make it easy for them to open to you for support, you are not required to tell all. For e.g. If you are encountering personal problems that are impacting your mood and presence in the office, it’s ok to let your co-workers know and also request their support. In your support it is ok to ask them to respect your privacy and give you time to work through your personal issues.
Key Insight 3: Vulnerability also means that you listen to others and not be a narcissist. Especially as a leader, find the space to know the stories, challenges and opportunities that others in the office have, not just your own. You will connect better and find the opportunities to improve as a team.
Key Insight 4: Acknowledging setbacks or failures with a process to create learnings In striving for excellence, Amazon has constructed a process where failures are documented, root-caused, and reviewed for future remediations. The documents are made available to all employees in a central repository. Continuing to improve has allowed Amazon to perfect their warehouse operations and given them leadership in cloud computing.
Key Insight 5: As a leader or an individual contributor, create a culture that allows for the removal of “armor” around learning. “Armoring up” for work can take many forms: presenting as “all-knowing,” hoarding knowledge, power moves, or controlling relationships. As a leader contributing to a culture that fosters trust will move the organization forward. For instance an employee’s acknowledgment of not knowing so they can have the opportunity to get an answer and learn, should be rewarded with help.
Resources:
TED Podcast: Authenticity is a double-edged sword - The link is Spotify but the podcast is available via Apple and YouTube
Worklife with Adam Grant Podcast (Gues Brené Brown): What Vulnerability Isn’t - The link is Spotify but the podcast is available via Apple and YouTube.
Leading with Vulnerability by Jacob Morgan
Difference between Fear and Armor by Brené Brown
